Mark Twain, one of the world’s most beloved authors, is known for his wit and wisdom. With his real-life perspectives, Twain had the uncanny ability to take complex issues and simplify them with meaningful words. From simple one-liners and humorous anecdotes to complex thoughts, Twain’s famous quotes will make you laugh, reflect, and even challenge you. Let’s explore the most profound and thought-provoking quotes from Mark Twain.
Best Mark Twain Quotes
It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt. Mark Twain
If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything. Mark Twain
Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter. Mark Twain
Good friends, good books, and a sleepy conscience this is the ideal life. Mark Twain
Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect. Mark Twain
The man who does not read has no advantage over the man who cannot read. Mark Twain
All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure. Mark Twain
Never put off till tomorrow what may be done day after tomorrow just as well. Mark Twain
The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time. Mark Twain
Classic a book which people praise and don’t read. Mark Twain
Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured. Mark Twain
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education. Mark Twain
In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards. Mark Twain
Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself. Mark Twain
A lie can travel half way around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes. Mark Twain
Civilization is the limitless multiplication of unnecessary necessities. Mark Twain
Never tell the truth to people who are not worthy of it. Mark Twain
I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened. Mark Twain
Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great. Mark Twain
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company. Mark Twain
In a good bookroom you feel in some mysterious way that you are absorbing the wisdom contained in all the books through your skin, without even opening them. Mark Twain
I can live for two months on a good compliment. Mark Twain
The lack of money is the root of all evil. Mark Twain
In the Spring, I have counted 136 different kinds of weather inside of 24 hours. Mark Twain
Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first. Mark Twain
The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don’t want, drink what you don’t like, and do what you’d rather not. Mark Twain
I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it. Mark Twain
Denial ain’t just a river in Egypt. Mark Twain
God created war so that Americans would learn geography. Mark Twain
It ain’t those parts of the Bible that I can’t understand that bother me, it is the parts that I do understand. Mark Twain
Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option. Mark Twain
Do the thing you fear most and the death of fear is certain. Mark Twain
I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn’t know. Mark Twain
The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up. Mark Twain
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society. Mark Twain
The difference between the almost right word and the right word is really a large matter tis the difference between the lightning bug and the lightning. Mark Twain
Action speaks louder than words but not nearly as often. Mark Twain
I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it. Mark Twain
Golf is a good walk spoiled. Mark Twain
Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; Truth isn’t. Mark Twain
When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain. Mark Twain
Wrinkles should merely indicate where the smiles have been. Mark Twain
Books are for people who wish they were somewhere else. Mark Twain
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I’ve done it thousands of times. Mark Twain
What would men be without women? Scarce, sir mighty scarce. Mark Twain
Everything human is pathetic. The secret source of humor itself is not joy but sorrow. There is no humor in heaven. Mark Twain
Sanity and happiness are an impossible combination. Mark Twain
The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter. Mark Twain
When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years. Mark Twain
Don’t part with your illusions. When they are gone you may still exist, but you have ceased to live. Mark Twain
Thunder is good, thunder is impressive; but it is lightning that does the work. Mark Twain
Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow mindedness, and many of our people need it sorely on these accounts. Broad, wholesome, charitable views of men and things cannot be acquired by vegetating in one little corner of the earth all one’s lifetime. Mark Twain
Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen. Mark Twain
Everyone is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody. Mark Twain
Let us endeavor so to live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry. Mark Twain
It’s not the size of the dog in the fight, it’s the size of the fight in the dog. Mark Twain
You can’t depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus. Mark Twain
If it’s your job to eat a frog, it’s best to do it first thing in the morning. And If it’s your job to eat two frogs, it’s best to eat the biggest one first. Mark Twain
If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and man. Mark Twain
The secret of getting ahead is getting started. Mark Twain
If you don’t read the newspaper, you’re uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you’re mis informed. Mark Twain
Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please. Mark Twain
Always do what is right. It will gratify half of mankind and astound the other. Mark Twain
Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear not absence of fear. Mark Twain
Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see. Mark Twain
My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it. Mark Twain
The trouble is not in dying for a friend, but in finding a friend worth dying for. Mark Twain
I’ve lived through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened. Mark Twain
A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way. Mark Twain
The best way to cheer yourself is to try to cheer someone else up. Mark Twain
Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it. Mark Twain
Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident. Mark Twain
Part of the secret of a success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside. Mark Twain
You believe in a book that has talking animals, wizards, witches, demons, sticks turning into snakes, burning bushes, food falling from the sky, people walking on water, and all sorts of magical, absurd and primitive stories, and you say that we are the ones that need help? Mark Twain
Buy land, they’re not making it anymore. Mark Twain
The easy confidence with which I know another man’s religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also. Mark Twain
Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it. Mark Twain
The worst loneliness is to not be comfortable with yourself. Mark Twain
Do the right thing. It will gratify some people and astonish the rest. Mark Twain
The secret to getting ahead is getting started. Mark Twain
Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience this is the ideal life. Mark Twain
History doesn’t repeat itself, but it does rhyme. Mark Twain
A man’s character may be learned from the adjectives which he habitually uses in conversation. Mark Twain
A clear conscience is the sure sign of a bad memory. Mark Twain
Don’t let schooling interfere with your education. Mark Twain
Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first. Mark Twain
The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why. Mark Twain
Never pick a fight with people who buy ink by the barrel. Mark Twain
If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much. Mark Twain
Humor is mankind’s greatest blessing. Mark Twain
I haven’t any right to criticize books, and I don’t do it except when I hate them. I often want to criticize Jane Austen, but her books madden me so that I can’t conceal my frenzy from the reader; and therefore I have to stop every time I begin. Every time I read Pride and Prejudice I want to dig her up and beat her over the skull with her own shin bone. Mark Twain
A person who won’t read has no advantage over one who can’t read. Mark Twain
The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated. Mark Twain
I didn’t have time to write a short letter, so I wrote a long one instead. Mark Twain
All generalizations are false, including this one. Mark Twain
A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain. Mark Twain
There are basically two types of people. People who accomplish things, and people who claim to have accomplished things. The first group is less crowded. Mark Twain
Out of all the things I have lost, I miss my mind the most. Mark Twain
It usually takes me more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech. Mark Twain
Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience. Mark Twain
We have the best government that money can buy. Mark Twain
April 1. This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty four. Mark Twain
Loyalty to petrified opinion never yet broke a chain or freed a human soul. Mark Twain
I have found out that there ain’t no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them. Mark Twain
There is no distinctly American criminal class except Congress. Mark Twain
When angry, count four. When very angry, swear. Mark Twain
It’s no wonder that truth is stranger than fiction. Fiction has to make sense. Mark Twain
Of all the animals, man is the only one that is cruel. He is the only one that inflicts pain for the pleasure of doing it. Mark Twain
Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education. Mark Twain
Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in. Mark Twain
When people do not respect us we are sharply offended; yet in his private heart no man much respects himself. Mark Twain
Any emotion, if it is sincere, is involuntary. Mark Twain
Many a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertising. Mark Twain
I must have a prodigious amount of mind; it takes me as much as a week, sometimes, to make it up! Mark Twain
It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare. Mark Twain
After all these years, I see that I was mistaken about Eve in the beginning; it is better to live outside the Garden with her than inside it without her. Mark Twain
The right word may be effective, but no word was ever as effective as a rightly timed pause. Mark Twain
The most interesting information come from children, for they tell all they know and then stop. Mark Twain
Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get. Mark Twain
Grief can take care if itself, but to get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with. Mark Twain
The human race has only one really effective weapon and that is laughter. Mark Twain
I was seldom able to see an opportunity until it had ceased to be one. Mark Twain
When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained. Mark Twain
The more you explain it, the more I don’t understand it. Mark Twain
Adam was but human this explains it all. He did not want the apple for the apple’s sake, he wanted it only because it was forbidden. The mistake was in not forbidding the serpent; then he would have eaten the serpent. Mark Twain
A man is never more truthful than when he acknowledges himself a liar. Mark Twain
The Bible has noble poetry in it and some good morals and a wealth of obscenity, and upwards of a thousand lies. Mark Twain
Facts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliable. Mark Twain
The dog is a gentleman; I hope to go to his heaven not man’s. Mark Twain
The trouble ain’t that there is too many fools, but that the lightning ain’t distributed right. Mark Twain
I’ve had a lot of worries in my life, most of which never happened. Mark Twain
Truth is mighty and will prevail. There is nothing wrong with this, except that it ain’t so. Mark Twain
Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more. Mark Twain
Apparently there is nothing that cannot happen today. Mark Twain
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably desirable. Mark Twain
Laws control the lesser man. Right conduct controls the greater one. Mark Twain
Eat a live frog first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day. Mark Twain
Man is the only animal that blushes or needs to. Mark Twain
Of all God’s creatures, there is only one that cannot be made slave of the leash. That one is the cat. If man could be crossed with the cat it would improve the man, but it would deteriorate the cat. Mark Twain
I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week sometimes to make it up. Mark Twain
Reality can be beaten with enough imagination. Mark Twain
Be careless in your dress if you must, but keep a tidy soul. Mark Twain
I have a higher and grander standard of principle than George Washington. He could not lie; I can, but I won’t. Mark Twain
To be good is noble; but to show others how to be good is nobler and no trouble. Mark Twain
There are many humorous things in the world; among them, the white man’s notion that he is less savage than the other savages. Mark Twain
The most interesting information comes from children, for they tell all they know and then stop. Mark Twain
Education consists mainly of what we have unlearned. Mark Twain
If the world comes to an end, I want to be in Cincinnati. Everything comes there ten years later. Mark Twain
It’s easier to fool people than to convince them that they have been fooled. Mark Twain
The human race is a race of cowards; and I am not only marching in that procession but carrying a banner. Mark Twain
All right, then, I’ll go to hell. Mark Twain
Classic. A book which people praise and don’t read. Mark Twain
It’s better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than open it and remove all doubt. Mark Twain
Often it does seem such a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat. Mark Twain
It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not deserve them. Mark Twain
Drag your thoughts away from your troubles by the ears, by the heels, or any other way you can manage it. Mark Twain
Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside. Mark Twain
There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist. Mark Twain
Never argue with an idiot. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience. Mark Twain
The very ink with which history is written is merely fluid prejudice. Mark Twain
There was never yet an uninteresting life. Such a thing is an impossibility. Inside of the dullest exterior there is a drama, a comedy, and a tragedy. Mark Twain
It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either of them. Mark Twain
Only one thing is impossible for God To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet. Mark Twain
The more I learn about people, the more I like my dog. Mark Twain
Man is the only animal that blushes. Or needs to. Mark Twain
Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been. Mark Twain
Obscurity and a competence that is the life that is best worth living. Mark Twain
I don’t like to commit myself about heaven and hell you see, I have friends in both places. Mark Twain
Worrying is like paying a debt you don’t owe. Mark Twain
A half truth is the most cowardly of lies. Mark Twain
Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid. Mark Twain
Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example. Mark Twain
Never argue with a fool, onlookers may not be able to tell the difference. Mark Twain
In the first place God made idiots. This was for practice. Then he made school boards. Mark Twain
Patriot the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about. Mark Twain
There’s one way to find out if a man is honest ask him; if he says yes, you know he’s crooked. Mark Twain
Principles have no real force except when one is well fed. Mark Twain
Everything has its limit iron ore cannot be educated into gold. Mark Twain
Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it? Mark Twain
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. Mark Twain
A person that started in to carry a cat home by the tail was getting knowledge that was always going to be useful to him, and warn’t ever going to grow dim or doubtful. Mark Twain
When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear. Mark Twain
There isn’t time, so brief is life, for bickerings, apologies, heartburnings, callings to account. There is only time for loving, and but an instant, so to speak, for that. Mark Twain
Do not tell fish stories where the people know you; but particularly, don’t tell them where they know the fish. Mark Twain